My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
