Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there was a trapeze. enough said
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
