I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
