nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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