At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
