yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
