Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
