ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
