i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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