dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
