well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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