It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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