Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
