So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
