what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
