he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
