My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
