Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
