So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize