he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
