well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
