Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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