told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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