Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
