I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
