i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
