I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
