Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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