Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
