Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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