I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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