dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
