It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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