I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
