it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
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as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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