nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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