Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
