I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
