I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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