haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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