Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
