Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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