Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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