all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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