He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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