Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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