he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
