i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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