Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm like, not good at living.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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