is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
