I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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