New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
