i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
false alarm, still single
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
