She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
