I want to make a zoo with you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
