Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
