i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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