Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
