is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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