I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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