I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
