I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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