your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
